Letting Go

I have a really hard time letting go.  No matter how hard I try, I cannot force myself to let go of things.  There comes a point in time where you have to give up, or let go for your own sanity's sake.  Perhaps I have such a hard time with this notion of letting go because I was always taught to never give up.  Never, ever, ever give up!  So I press on.  I fight.  I dwell.  I stand in the storm, hoping some day, one beautiful, glorious day, the storm will pass and the light will return.  This obviously cannot happen until we "let go" and "let God" or "our Source" take over.  I heard this saying and I cannot seem to get it out of my head.  "Humans make plans, and God laughs."  It's so true though, isn't it?  It doesn't matter how many plans we make, in the end it doesn't really matter because God has his own plans and they are perfect in every way.  This is hard to accept for a control freak like me, but I can tell you that when I have "let go" and just "went with the flow"some of the most amazing things have happened.  Seriously.  Some of the most memorable moments, connections, or experiences have blossomed.  This is my positive re-enforcement to continue to "let go".   I have been told to "let go" by other people who have come into my life, as in yoga teachers, healers and some of my very best friends.  Although I responded with "I know", I really didn't know until I finally did, let go.  I let go and I cried.  I cried because all of the junk I was holding onto, just left.  All of the "plans" that I made, seemed so silly. When I finally let go, and closed my mind to the past and the future, and opened my eyes to the present, I finally found my mountain.  I found me again.  That little voice in my heart that said "Here I am! I've been waiting for you and I've been here the whole time." So, I cried harder.  However, I still have a tendency to "control" and "plan" but I am trying to remember, God's laughing.  And that makes me laugh.  It's a work in progress but I'm going to try everyday to remember to be "flexible" and "go with the flow!"  Today I watched the ducks and the geese swimming in the pond and I thought to myself " That's my goal!".  To swim effortlessly.  To live effortlessly.  To love effortlessly.  In Yoga we chant Om.  We chant it three times.  The first Om is to let go of the past.  The second Om is to let go of the future.  And the third Om is to be or live in the present.  This is what I repeat to myself daily.  Just let go.  This is my last entry in this one journal book that has literally been, impossible to write, live and just exist.  This one was my hardest by far to experience.  I am relieved to be done with it.  So with that I say, goodbye past, hello present and future, well, I'll see ya when I get there.