Hot Shower

There's really nothing like a hot shower.  I think that a hot shower would do on a cold, winter's day, or after a long hard workout, or on a crisp spring morning.  It just has a way of washing everything away inside and out.  To me I always feel like I have to take a long hot shower at night to wash the day away, and all that that applies.  This week has been an emotional roller coaster to say the least.  Valentine's day is approaching and I don't have a Valentine.  That's the heart of my matter this week.  But other than that, which I will dive into in a moment, this week's events have really made me think about some people in my life.  When is it time to say goodbye, stop sharing, stop...letting them in?  When is it time to dig in and hang in there for the sake of the relationship?  What if it's not done?  What if it's not over yet?  How do we know when to walk away?  How do we know when to protect ourselves, and stop protecting the dysfunction that hurts us?  What is it that Pink sings about.."When it's good it's so good till it goes bad.  Then you try to find the you that you once had..."  Yeah...that's about right.  Or maybe think of it this way, you have to say no to someone else in order to say yes to yourself.  I don't have the answers to these questions, but what I do know is from questioning all of the above.  Be true to yourself.  If someone or something makes you change who you are in order for them to love you, perhaps that is not the person you are supposed to be with forever.  Perhaps that's your teacher.  Teaching you to never give up on yourself.  To not change unless you want to change for the better of your soul.  Maybe this person was placed in your life to teach you in some way shape or form, to love yourself and who you really are.  To fight for yourself and the life you want to live.  I have had one of these teachers in my life, and he taught me well. He brought the fighter out in me.  Not physically, but mentally and emotionally.  He made me fight for my freedom, my life, my soul.  I will always remember him for that.

On the flip side, this ex-lover did bring out the fighter in me, so I am hoping that my next love will bring out the lover in me.  I know it's there. It's screaming to come out, like a kid in a candy store.  I just don't know what I have to do to find this love.  It's so hard because, I think that love happens when you least expect it, when you're not even looking for it.  Poof!  It's here!  I'm still waiting on the "poof".  So with Valentine's Day on Tuesday, I find myself fantasizing about settling in with a glass of wine or two, a great movie, and my love.  I don't need a production, just a "normal" night with my love.  This is what I think about.  Will I ever have that person sitting next to me on the couch watching mindless t.v.?  Will I ever have someone to come home to again?  Or sleep next to me in bed and wake up with me in the morning?  I hope so.  With that I challenge all of you who have your love with you to think on these things.  Because when you do, you may realize that everyday is Valentine's Day, just as the song says.