Responding....

It's a rainy Saturday morning and I am o.k. with that today.  There is something so calming to waking up on Saturday listening to the rain fall and play connect the dots on the windows.  This is my favorite time to write.  I often get asked what it is that I write about, or what is my blog about.  The only way I can respond is simply..."It's about me."  I've been having a tough time lately with some areas of my life that I just can't figure out.  One is the "love" department...don't even get me started with that...that is whole other book...that I am writing, slowly.  The other, surprisingly enough is my work.  I've loved my job for so long that it feels strange to not love it right now.  I work in corporate America.  The expectation is everything needs to arrive like Cinderella's glass slipper on a silk covered pillow...but cheap! Americans like their gadgets, their brands, their image, but it has to be cheap!!! UGH...so with my work, one thing you don't want it is cheap.  You do get what you pay for which is not always safe.  So...I'm burned out.  But all of this rushing around has really made me stop ironically and think about what I'm doing.  I had a " ah-ha!" moment this week that I responded to.  Instinctively just responded and it scared me.  Don't get me wrong it felt great taking my power and using it to stand up for myself and my value, but then after I did, I realized that I laid the gauntlet down.  But I stand behind my response because all in all, I realized that I wasn't being valued for the work, the time or the energy that I put forth and that bothered me.  In any relationship, professional, personal or romantic, one has to feel valued.  If  you don't then why are you there?  If you constantly feel that whatever you do, say, give, contribute is never going to be good enough, then why do you stay?  What makes us devalue our self worth in order to give someone else more than what they have earned from us?  Is it that we feel guilty perhaps that we should be doing more?  Why? Why is this?  I think that all of us are guilty of feeling like this on some level but the truth of the matter is, we shouldn't.  The root of our problem is essentially at our root, at our core.  Animals respond to each other through signals, scents, behaviors and instinct.  This is also in our nature...it's called our gut reaction or response.  We start to respond instinctively and then the human side, the cultured side, the tamed side tells us.."NO!", when sometimes, we need to do exactly what our gut, our core, our animalistic natural instinctive side tells us to do.  Like I said, sometimes, not all the time.  We all know some people who this nature is very strong and they come across not always positive or with the best intentions.  So, I guess it's balance.  I guess it's getting to know your Mooladhara and Manipura, creating balancing and using those instincts when you need to. It's being you, your true self, and not apologizing for it.