It Will Rain

I have to start this entry out by saying how wonderful it is in my home right now.  The rain is falling, and has been off and on all weekend. The house is dimly lit with the hazy light coming in from the windows and the candles I have burning.  The smell of lavender and coffee permeate the rooms and besides from Adele crooning in the background all I can hear is the rain lightly touching the windows with kisses.  It is scrumptious this morning.  I have been on a soul searching adventure this summer and most of all that I have discovered has been amazing.  I'm sad to see the summer come to an end, but can't help to be excited for what lies ahead.  I have a love/hate relationship with fall.  I love the season and all of the colors and activities that occur but I do have some painful memories as well.  I plan to keep busy to make new memories.  Yesterday I went to church which is a pretty regular activity for me and there are people there that I have known since I was a child.  There is one person in particular that drives me crazy.  There I said it.  This person asks me every single time that they seem me, " So, what's new?  What's going on with you?".  Now, this is usually what people will ask to start a conversation and I get that, but it's the way they ask it, the tone in their voice that sets me off.  It's almost like they are searching for the exact answer that they want to hear to make their own life better.  It's very annoying and also pressuring at the same time.  Usually I try my hardest to be as polite as possible and answer with very vague answers because truly I do not have anything so new and exciting to share.  But yesterday I got very agitated when asked these routine questions from this person and I couldn't help but to say in an exasperated tone " Nothing is new.  I'm pretty boring.  I have nothing going on to write home about.  I'm pretty boring right now!"  I was hoping that by my tone and my words that this person would get the hint that I don't want to talk about my life or myself with them!  As in, "leave me the hell alone!" Their response was definitely unexpected.  Their response was actually, dare I say, brilliant.  They said to me after the scolding answer I gave them this, " Well, sometimes that's good.  Usually when you feel like your life is boring or routine, something big is coming your way.  This "boring" time is preparing you for what lies ahead, something really big is about to happen to you."  I stood there hushed and amazed at what they just said.  How did they know exactly what I had been thinking or feeling for the past month or so?  Are they mind readers?  Because it is true.  I do feel that something really big is about to happen to me and I don't exactly know what it is but I couldn't be more excited or anxious about it.  My instinct, because of past experiences, has been to build up walls or a dam if you will to keep from having too much happiness shower me.  Why do I do this?  Because of fear or losing what I've always wanted and having it slip through my fingers, once again.  So, I have been working on this in yoga, my mediation, reiki, anything to keep the flow, flowing.  I practice this through the element of water and for the past two weekends, it has rained.  At first I was upset that the last two weekends of summer, the last two weekends to enjoy the sun,  it has rained.  But in hindsight and today, I embrace the rain.  I embrace the water. I embrace the flow.  Because something big is really about to happen and there is nothing for me to do except let it happen.  It will rain, and I must accept it.  It will rain and it will nurture and cultivate, it will bring new life.  It will rain and all will be healthy and happy.  It will rain and I will be complete.