Settling

What does it mean to settle?  Does it mean to concede to an idea, a concept, a thought, a person?  Does it mean happiness?  Does it mean peace?  Does it mean completeness?  What does settling mean?  A lot of people settle for things, people, jobs, money, anything so that they don't disappoint themselves any further from being denied what they really wanted.  Or they settle because they are afraid of getting exactly what they wanted.  Scared that their dreams may finally come true.  Scared that the fantasy is real.  We as humans are very complicated aren't we?  We strive our whole lives to live our version of our fantasy for our life.  That is the struggle and strife we face everyday.  We fight and have the drama in our lives because we simply do not know any better.  And when we get a glimpse of our fantasy finally coming true, we run.  We run in the opposite direction because that would mean that we were right.  We were faithful and our prayers have been answered.  We have to believe in miracles at that point and there is no turning back from that.  Unless, we deny it.  Unless, we turn away from it.  Unless, we run.  But there are some of us who choose not to run.  There are some of us who want to believe in the little miracles that have been created.  There are some of us who refuse to settle.  Who still believe in the dream.  Who still think that everything they could have ever wished for will arrive.  Who pray for this every single day and refuse to stop believing that God, the universe or whoever cannot hear our prayer.  I find myself stuck between the two camps, the runners and the believers.  When I am having a good day, spiritually, I am a believer.  But, when I am shown that my dream may just be a dream,  I run.  Sometimes you cannot deny the writing on the wall.  Sometimes you have to just accept it and keep going.  But what if you are still unsure of what the writing on the wall says?  Is this denial or is this acceptance?  So as far as settling, I guess I would say that I have chosen to settle for  a day, a weekend, a week.  But, I refuse to settle for the rest of my life.  I refuse to accept mediocre or watered down dreams and try to metamorphosis them into my own.  I refuse to give up.  I refuse to let myself or my heart down. Because here's the thing, when you settle for something that is less than what you wanted, you are happy for a while but that doesn't last a lifetime.  You will always know that you chose to bail out on yourself and what you truly wanted.  You gave up.  I choose not to give up.  I choose to believe.  I choose faith.  "If God leads you to it, he will lead you through it."